


FILE: 69 Beached

by Xrross



Category: Id:Invaded (Anime)
Genre: Beach Volleyball, Beaches, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mentioned Kokufu, Murder, Volleyball, non-canon, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:08:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26131663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xrross/pseuds/Xrross
Summary: The beach episode that everyone deserved but never got. Mild shitpost.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	FILE: 69 Beached

The man awoke with a start, having been roused by the sharp, splitting shriek of seagulls. Opening his eyes, his breathing caught in his breath, before relaxing almost immediately, like waking from a nightmare, only to realise you're safe in bed. He found himself staring up at the sky; featureless and clear, a brilliant blue that you'd only get on a perfect summers day. As he slowly became aware of his body, the man realised that he was sitting down in some kind of chair, his head tilted over the back.

_What... Am I... in a beach chair... What is... Who..._

"Huh. Was just about to wake you up."

"What?" Looking over to his right, he found himself eye-to-eye with another man giving him an impish smile, his crop of blue hair matching his trenchcoat and accompanying his black trousers and bright red boots, all odd clothing to wear on a beach.

_Beach? I'm on a beach?_

Looking forward, the man saw the ocean just a few dozen meters away, the shockingly blue water crashing into the sand, retreating swiftly only to return with greater force. Craning his neck upwards again, he noticed the sun slightly behind him, beating down on his back. Finally, he glanced back down, confirming that he too was in a typical, striped beach chair, swaying slightly on the fabric sheet.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, looking back at the man he internally dubbed as "Blue". Blue, in response, let out a short, dry laugh before standing up, looking out across the seemingly endless waters. 

"Sorry, brother. But I was kinda hoping you could tell me that. As well as a few other things."

".... like what?"

"Well, who I am for starters."

"What, don't you-?" the man started, only to stop halfway, causing Blue to turn towards him. His brow furrowing, the man frowned, his eyes moving left to right slightly, as if he was going over something in his head. "I... don't know who I am either." Blue, apparently finding this hilarious, burst in a chorus of chuckles, pointing wildly at him.

"Damn! Well, isn't that a punch line or what?! Ahahaha!" Unsure how to take this, the man got out of his chair as well, as Blue started to calm down. "Now you know what would be really funny? If she forgot who she was too!" he said, pointing behind the man, who turned and let out a gasp. There was a young girl in a third beach chair, couldn't have been older than twenty, wearing a poncho, shorts and tights. 

"Jesus! Why are you just pointing at her!?" Sprinting over to her, the man crouched next to her, his hands instinctively moving to her head. "Hey, are you-?!" The girl suddenly opened his eyes, causing the man to flinch and quickly retract his hands, just as Blue joined him with a leisurely jog. The girl stared up at the sky silently before turning her massive eyes over to the two men next to her. Somewhat impressively, she didn't even flinch, instead blinking wordlessly at them. The man lowered his hands and gave an awkward smile.

"Hey, sister!" Snapping his fingers at her, Blue gave a flirtatious wink, causing the man to involuntarily cringe. Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, the girl sat up, her eyes darting between the two of them.

"Who are you two? And how did I get here?" Upon hearing this, Blue threw up his hands.

"And then there were three. Now that's perfect! Ahahaha!" As Blue began laughing again, the man sighed, getting to his feet as the girl practically lept of the seat.

"Unfortunately, neither of us can answer your questions. I take it you don't know your identity either?" The girl looked to the side, her lips pulled into a tight line. A clear answer.

"So, three amnesiacs stuck on a beach. Sounds like a riddle, or a bad joke," she said. The man hummed in agreement, looking over at Blue, who was busy wiping away his tears. 

"Hey, you were the first one up. Did you see anything suspicious?" Blue snorted in response, shrugging one shoulder.

"Brother, I woke up fourteen seconds before you. I didn't see anything. Nothing but us three, the hill behind us and that corpse."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"What, the corpse? It's literally on his hill behind you," he said, pointing over the man's shoulder. Turning around, he saw that not only was there a small hill behind the row of chairs with a few palm trees and a scattering of grass, but indeed a body: a girl, lying face down in the sand, wearing nothing but a white bikini, the trails in the sand behind her implying that she had been slowly sliding down the hill.

"Shit! Why haven't you helped her yet?!" The man sprinted over to her immediately. The girl glanced over at Blue before swiftly following, with Blue himself letting out a small sigh and walking after them. "Hey, are you okay?!" Getting on his knees, the man quickly flipped her over onto her back. "Don't worry, I'm here to-!" The man stopped the instant he saw her face. The girl was clearly dead, though she must have only died very recently, judging by the body, possibly relating to the sizable bruise on her forehead. The man felt an eerie calm wash over him as he gazed at her face, as did the girl and Blue, both of whom stood still, all three staring at the girl's face in silence, before the man finally spoke.

"This girl... her name's Kaeru."

"Yeah, Kaeru..."

"Kaeru, huh?"

Removing away from Kaeru's body slightly, the man lifted one of his hands and cupped the side of his face. "And my name is... Sakaido."

"Miyo Hijiriido... that's my name!"

"Anaido... yeah, that's who I am."

"And I..."

"I..."

"We..."

**"... are the brilliant detectives who will solve the mystery of her death."**

"Holy shit! That was so cool! We were totally synced!" Anaido exclaimed, pointing in random directions as he and Hijriido approached Kaeru's body. "Hey, Miyo! How comes you're the only one with a first name?"

"Don't know, and don't care. All that matters is solving Kaeru's murder," Hijriido said dismissively as she crouched down on Kaeru's other side. Scoffing, Anadio continued to stand over her, staring straight into her lifeless eyes with mild interest.

"This bruise, it seems fairly recent," Sakaido noted, moving Kaeru's fringe out of the way. "Was she hit in the head by a blunt object?"

"I don't know. It looks pretty small. Could something that small really kill her?" Hijriido asked, her gaze running up and down Kaeru's body.

"You know what they say; big things come in small packages," Anaido said, squatting down to the other two's level. "Could whatever have hit her caused some kind of internal damage to the brain?"

Sakaido frowned. "What could have possibly-?"

"Hey, you guys!"

As one, all three looked up from Kaeru's body to find a young man staring down at them from atop the small hill, his only items of clothing being an orange pair of board shorts and a matching sweatband holding back his mess of sandy hair. With a large, inflatable beach ball tucked under his arm, he lifted the other one in greeting, giving a wide, friendly smile. Anaido returned the feature with one of his own seemingly on accident, his face blank.

"Yo! Narihisago, Hondomachi, glad you guys made it! Oh, and Fukuda too! Can't say I really like you, buuuuuuuut, if you really want to, I guess you can come too!" the man said. Sakaido's jaw dropped, his entire body going slack as Hijriido almost fell backwards into Anaido, a similar expression on her face.

"Nari... Narihisago..." His teeth clenched, Narihisago got to his feet, his legs still somewhat shacky. "You... I've heard of you... Wakashika! Right? What are you doing here?!"

"What you do mean? We're just playing a game of volleyball," Wakashika said, before his face suddenly lit up. "Hey! Why don't you guys join in? We need a new member for Shiratake and Momoki's team now that Kaeru's dead!"

"Wait, wait... did YOU kill Kaeru!?" Hondomachi asked, using Fukuda's shoulder to stabilise herself as she stood up. Wakashika scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"I mean... technically... but only because Kokufu sent it my way without telling me! I tried my best, but it somehow ended up hitting Kaeru's head and snapping her neck or something. We just dumped her body over here. But I swear, we're definitely gonna bury her! Well, the losers will, anyway."

"Wait, so you spiked a ball so hard you broke someone's neck?" Fukuda asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"I mean, Kokufu DID set me up, but yeah, I guess I did," Wakashika said proudly, tensing his non-existent abs. 

"Well then you've found your new player!" Rising to his feet and nearly knocking over Hondomachi, Fukuda vaulted over Kaeru and ran over the hill, disrobing and scattering his clothes across the sand, an eager Wakashika following him. With a defeated, dead expression, Narihisago looked over at Hondomachi, who suddenly seemed far more edgy than usual, shuffling from side to side, like a child who needed the toilet.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" he asked, causing her to jump.

"U-Uh! Well, since we've solved Kaeru's death and umm... we... don't really need to do anything else so... I was just wondering if... you know... not that I need your permission or anything! Ahaha!" she laughed nervously, her eyes constantly flicking back to the top of the hill. Narihisago looked at her with exasperation before groaning and flopping onto his back.

"Uuuuuugghhhhh... go ahead." Not wasting, anytime, Hondomachi discarded her hat and poncho and scurried over the hill, unintentionally throwing her hat on Narihisago's face. Knocking it off, Narihisago grunted as he got back to his feet and dragged his body back to the chair he woke up in. Dragging it back up the hill, he sat down in the shade of one of the palm trees, watching as Hondomachi and Momoki tried untangling Fukuda from the net. 

_Fuck it... If I'm not gonna get any sleep in my cell, I might as well get some sleep in here._

* * *

"Well. This explains how we found cognition particles in the Wellside," Togo noted, nudging Momoki to stop him from grinding his teeth.

"I do have to ask though, what the hell does this any of this mean?" Habutae asked, bitting his lip in irritation as he watched himself miss an easy pass from Hondomachi.

"I don't know, why don't we ask the _detective_?" Momoki asked, the frustration clear in his tone as he and everyone else in the room looked at Wakashikia, who had ducked his head into his blazer.

"Wakashikia. Explain. Now." Letting out a frightened noise, Wakashika, like a turtle, extended his neck and lifted his head out of the safe confines of his blazer, his cheeks a dark crimson.

"Umm... remember a few months ago, when we were testing out Brilliant Detective Anaido?" he asked, his voice breaking from the embarrassment. "And... remember how on the second day, I said... I said I wanted to kill myself because he was so bad?"

There was a quiet bang, and everyone looked down to see Momoki on his knees with his forehead against the edge of the projector.

"Umm, should we extract them?" Shiratake asked hesitantly. Togo shook her head, placing her hand on Momoki's scalp and rubbing it reassuringly.

"Give them a few more minutes, or at least until Fukuda kills himself. It's not just them who needs a break."

"Sorryyyyyyyy!" Wakashika whined, crouching down and covering his head with his arms, flinching at Habutae's frustrated shouts.

"Aw come on! You should have made that hit, Kokufu! Pass it to Wakashika more! No no no! Shit! Why did you make us so terrible, Wakashika?!"

"I'm so sorry!!"


End file.
